Im a mess and i dont know where to go for help?

Sweetie, I am sorry for what you are going through. Things CAN get better. If you ever feel overwhelmed and need help, just call 911. Believe me, they will see to it that you get help. It will be a process, though. Don't worry about the money. Just go with the flow. If they take you to the ER, tell them what's going on. They can get you some psych help or get you into a facility for treatment. Yes, you do sound like you are bipolar (manic-depressive) and you are certainly not alone in this. There is help out there. I hope you will seek it. Good luck to you....I know better days are ahead for you.